I celebrated it with dance; it was one of the dance dramas series on the basis of poems by Rabindranate Tagore. The one in the British Museum in July was the previous one. My Odissi teacher played the role of an untouchable girl, who is asked by a Buddhist monk to give him some water. Terrified, she warns him that she's untouchable, but he says that it's not important for him as it's not important for God. The girl is so touched that she falls in love with the monk and wants him to come back. So she asks her mother, who's strong in black magic, to perform her rituals. The mother warns that doing such things always brings bad consequences, and she's aware that she will destroy her soul by that act, but she loves her daughter so much that she agrees. So, the ritual is performed, the monk comes back, but he looks so pale, so sick that the girl realizes what a terrible thing they had done to him. She and her mother repent and pray for forgiveness, and the monk only says: "May God bless you!"
Guess what part I was playing ;)



In the heat of magic rituals :)

Joint repentance:

Этим разъяснением условия возможности самой философии сразу же устраняется, по крайней мере, первое из указанных двух сомнений в отношении между философским богопознанием и религиозным чувством. В каких бы понятиях ни выражала отвлеченная философская мысль свое познание Бога, ее основной интуицией и тем самым ее высшим и верховным понятием остается чисто религиозная идея безмерности, неисчерпаемой глубинности и таинственности Бога; и, в сущности, вся остальная система понятий имеет своим последним назначением приблизить мысль к уловлению именно этой сверхконечной и сверхрацнональной природы Бога, конституирующей Его абсолютность. Обычное заблуждение в понимании соотношения между философией и религией в этом пункте состоит в том, что чувство тайны представляется условием, преграждающим познавательное проникновение, и, наоборот, страсть к познанию — силой, разрушающей смиренное чувство тайны и поэтому благоприятствующей самомнению атеизма. В действительности, напротив, религиозное чувство тайны и глубинности бытия есть первое и необходимое условие развития философии, тогда как самомнение атеизма в корне убивает самый инстинкт философствования и есть в такой же мере отрицание философии, как и религии."

"Ведь и Бог религиозной веры содержит — при первой же попытке какого-либо одностороннего Его определения — множество противоречий, которые в действительности суть не противоречия, а антиномии, согласимые в высшем, сверхрациональном единстве. С другой стороны, философское богопознание лишь мнимым образом приковано к указанному безличному и как бы бесформенному понятию Бога как некоего лишь всеобъемлющего начала. Кажущаяся неизбежность этой тенденции вытекает лишь из одностороннего ограничения задачи философии теоретическим миропостижением. Если мы вспомним и будем иметь в виду, что задача философии этим не исчерпывается, а требует целостного осмысления бытия во всей его живой полноте и глубине, объемлющей как один из основных его моментов реальность духовной жизни со всеми ее нравственными и религиозными запросами и проблемами,— если мы вспомним необходимость таких философских проблем, как проблема добра и зла, теодицеи, отношения между нравственным идеалом и действительностью, свободой и необходимостью, разумом и слепотой природных сил,— то мы поймем, что высшее уясняющее единство, которого ищет философия, есть не одно лишь безличное единство. упорядочивающее картину объективного мирового бытия, а действительно целостное всеединство жизни в самом глубоком и всеобъемлющем смысле этого понятия"

"Подлинно философское умонастроение по своей волевой структуре совпадает с религиозным умонастроением: в обеих — вопреки поверхностному мнению, которому это представляется невозможным,— смирение сочетается с дерзновением творчества, и притом не так, что каждая из этих волевых тенденций сдерживает и ограничивает другую, а так, что каждая из них, напротив, питает и укрепляет другую"

Вся статья: http://www.vehi.net/frank/filosofia.html
 

I’ve seen a dream recently – beautiful yet absolutely unreal… What I felt there was …yes, enormous happiness I’ve never experienced before. I still felt it in the first moments after waking up, and then realized that it was just a dream which would never come true. Burst in tears. Still hurts.

Current music: Пелагея,  Нюркина песня

One more thing I've discovered ('a human getting acquainted with the world ' :D). If you manage to go astray somewhere, you should continue walking, then you may find a bus stop or something, take a bus, maybe not the right one, then change, or walk, or go back and find another bus, or train... anyway, in the end you'll be in the place you need to be anyway, it's just a matter of time. No irritation, no fear - you know: you are here, and somewhere there's a place you need to find. You will. No other option.

I wonder whether the same mechanism should work in life in general. Who said it: "If you know where to go, all the roads lead there"? Coelho? Doesn't matter. I believe it's like this. I just wonder why in some spheres of my life it works and in some it doesn't. Could it be that my way of thinking is not precise enough, and I do not know exactly the place I need to find or what?

I have a good friend who's a dentist (really good one, by the way!). Once I asked her, just because of curiosity, whether it is safe to go to young doctors. Surprisingly, she said that basically it is: because they just have graduated and still have all they had learned in their heads, on the one hand, and because they're really trying hard to apply their knowledge, work properly to get good reputation and experience and attract more clients, on the other hand. Regarding "old experienced doctors": quite many of them already have stable clients and reputation, and may not worry that much; besides, they could have already forgotten some things (in case they do not go constantly to the seminars to learn new techniques), and support more conservative methods.. so...

I remembered it recently after a dance performance I've seen. A very famous dancer was on the stage, whom I have seen earlier... This time I was not impressed at all. I had a strong feeling that there were no rehearsals before going to the stage; the dancer didn't show any extraordinary technique or composition (as youngsters usually do to impress the audience and work really hard on it). Everything was... quite nice, but it's not enough to capture the audience, one can't do it just with the help of his/her name.

It's really surprising that many young artists prepare such wonderful pieces, while elder masters don't care that much... sometimes...

You may laugh, but my first performance in London was... Odissi! Yes, I'm a beginner in it (just 1.5 years) compared to other styles, and still. Moreover, I'm really very happy with it! It was a bit messy, with lots of improvization, and me and all of us could have done much better, but: it was in the British Museum; in very creative atmosphere; with wonderful live music; with lots of incredible dancers (including my Odissi teacher). The next day I had to perform again, but with another group at another place in another atmosphere, with dancers of another level...  Experience is always useful, isn't it?

Not that I’m really attached to things, but rather to the memories, special experiences and feelings connected with it. It’s always difficult to part with a thing, even if it’s old and broken, if it had travelled with you far and wide, or if it was a special gift, or something like that. The older the thing is, the more difficult :)
 

I know that’s not the right approach. I’m trying to educate myself in a right way J I just thought recently, what are the things which could make me feel at home, wherever I am. I was amazed to discover that one of these things is my small clock without the back cover, clock which is ticking so loudly. Its ticking makes me calm when I'm going to sleep... I even used to hear it each time when I was in India... Then, at least a couple of my wonderful soft toys. Now the Penguin is here, but small creature called Peter is not, and I miss him!  At least a couple of my dance costumes, and a couple of books - those which I always need in all my trips and so rarely take with me... A shawl, any of my Indian ones or that red one brought from the Southern America. Yes, my spices, which give such an incredible homely fragrance in any premises! Definitely, made-by-me-set-of-teas. Definitely, my computer (with all the music:) ), and Skype - yes, when I'm lucky to be into a sincere conversation.

When I'm feeling blue, I go to an Indian district. The smells, the sounds, goods in the shops, sweets, ladies in sarees and girls in salwar kameezes - it all reminds me of home. Dance class - it's a home as well.

To my great surprise, these are also the dark walls of old local churches, with ivy and wild vine twined all over them; they bring out a mixed feeling of home and loneliness from the very deep past, from the depth of my consciousness.

Yes, and the sun! When it's warm and sunny - it's a home, wherever it is!
I definitely had forgotten something.. but it doesn't matter :)

"There's a stone in my garden that keeps me committed
And close to the ground when I feel I should run
There's a branch in my window that helps me remember
To reach out my arms and touch the sun..

There are two million ants that live in my sidewalk
Working together to nurture and feed
And the old TV set, with the sad evening news
So I never forget how much love we need" (Noa, Home-Made Religion)
Current music: Noa, Explain The Night